And so…earlier this week, I read this tweet from Pastor
Jimmy Evans:
“If there isn’t a giant to kill – it’s not your promise land.
Expect difficulty and THEN victory.”
Giants…Monsters…both are big, menacing and
scary.
I began killing a monster in my life several years ago. It
had been there all along, though I had not seen it for what it was. Monsters are
rarely what they appear to be. Think of the cartoons in which a large pair of
menacing eyes in the dark, become an old hoot owl when the light is turned on.
The Huge shadow walking up the dimly lit stairwell often turns out to be a
mouse that mysteriously walks upright? Um, OK. Cue the laugh track.
As I sought to kill this monster I would fight against
generational ties, or word curses or the fear of man and every time victory came
in those battles, I would expect to see the monster fall. Instead I watched as
the outer layer of the beast shed and fell to the ground. This happened consistently over many
months until finally, with the help of a
professional counselor who listens closely to the Holy Spirit, I realized that the name of the monster
was ‘FEAR’ and the battles I was fighting were against it’s manifestations.
The
War would be won only when Fear was defeated.
I still remember the moment I heard the monster’s name and
the disbelief that rushed in to defend. Fear? I don’t think so. It must be
something else. Let’s ask the Holy Spirit again. It was acceptable for me to
struggle with generational ties. But to me, fear was for the weak minded and faithless…words
I would have never used to describe myself. I questioned. I defended. I denied.
She sat quietly, knowing the truth would come straight from His heart to mine.
And as I sat, waiting for her to respond, the Holy Spirit came near and wrapped
himself around me. From that safe place, I could see and hear the truth. And
though I saw the monster more clearly than ever before, I understood that the
war was already over. Yes, I still had some fighting to do, but that was just a
formality.
Over the next several months I looked fear in the face and
drew my sword and way down deep on the inside, I shouted “God has not given me
a spirit of fear but of power, of love and a sound mind”. And when faced with a
difficult situation I would whisper to myself “fear not…He is with me” and “He
will never leave me or forsake me”. And when darkness tried to return “The Lord
is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of
my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” All of these verses were very helpful in
building my trust in Him to carry me through any difficulty.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,
because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect
in love.”
This verse led me to
what I believe was the final blow. My focus shifted because of 1 John 4:18. I
was a living, breathing example of the last part of that verse. I was fearful
and was not being made perfect in love. I was feeling confident and I was
seeing great victory. But I was focused on fear…not love. So I began to ask
what it meant to be ‘made perfect in love’. I prayed for new revelations of
God’s love for myself. I read 1 Corinthians 13 for many weeks, as if for the
first time, because instead of reading it as a list of things I had to do, I
read it as a list of the ways He loves me. I listened to songs of His love for
me and let my soul be romanced again by His words of love. And I learned that ‘being
perfected in love’ is a way of life. It’s choosing to stay connected to Him as
THE source of all love. Whether using it for myself or as a source from which
to love others.
As my heart became filled with revelations of love, fear simply
disappeared. And maybe the ground shook when the beast fell and maybe it
didn’t. All I could hear was the
song of the one my heart loves. All I could feel were His arms wrapped tightly
around me as we danced, fearlessly, to the rhythm of His heartbeat.
*This post was written as a part of a 'freedom fire' that began earlier this week on Facebook. To see more inspirational blogs click here: Killing Monsters.
